Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Randomize
