No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
