He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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