...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I'm having to shit out rocks
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize