i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
