Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
