My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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