We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
