Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
