He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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