I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
