Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
