I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
