i think my tv is drunk
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
