smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
