You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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