he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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