I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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