last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
