I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
