I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
