But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
