Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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