Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
