Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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