he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
