sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
