I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize