Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
