your parents love me but you hate me
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
