Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You ruined the universe
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
