I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
you had me at cake vodka
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
