Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize