drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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