so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
