So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
