Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
