R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
