afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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