Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
