Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
