hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
