I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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