remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
