I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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