apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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