He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
