Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
