everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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