So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
