So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
