Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
