I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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