Where did you get a picture of my penis
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
