i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
