He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize