I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
