she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
