so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize