I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
