Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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