Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
