So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
