I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
