maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
