How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
