Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
