No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
